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Caroline Domanska

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Apr 29 2015

What if we could all talk honestly about money?

What would it mean for the world?

What would it mean for you?

Think about it for a moment.

Imagine a world in which there were no veneers in front of any money situation.  It would certainly make a difference in politics, and maybe even the financial crisis would have never have happened. But what about you, what would it really mean for you?

LIVING-ETC-MAGAZINE-April-2000
The cover of the April 2000 issue. Look how “on-trend” I was – yep that’s me uber cool…….(eh?)

When I brought my first home in my early twenties,  a lovely little flat.   I was so excited to have a place that was  just mine!   I set about fixing up the place to my own design.  I was an avid reader of Living Etc. And as such I had the latest colour trends, which in the year 2000 were  BRIGHT red, bright neon pink, blue….  It was energising if anything! Now for me what came with home ownership is also a sense of “grown-up-ness”  (Is that a word?  Not sure ?… but you know what I mean) “Grown-up-ness”  for me translated into buying all those lovely things I had seen in Living Etc.   So in came the direct debit for the new sofa, the bed, carpets, and the credit card for the trinkets and the lights and the……..  (and for some reason a brand new car too). Fully furnished living my grown up lifestyle Was I talking honestly to myself about money? Was I heck! Delusion had set in! I needed to talk about money honestly…. TO MYSELF In Psycho-dynamics it is asserted that “ we use defence mechanisms to distort or deny reality so that we are not too hurt or threatened”.     It’s a self protective mechanism to not be honest with ourselves.  These defenses protect us from painful emotions or realisations. Trouble is these work in the short term, like a glass of wine or three to unwind, or a headache pill, but in the long term they become toxic as we are just covering up the root problem. So what did I do and what can you do?   We have to become brave I had to have the conversation with myself and get sorted. One of the first steps is to recognise the following One of our biggest failings is that we would rather be right than be effective Click To Tweet Where in your life do you find this sense of “I should have”?  That I am sure this is “right” (whilst secretly knowing it’s not really working for you).  Would it be so bad if you had a good old honest chat to yourself about it? Here are some typical delusions that I have seen, the bit your kidding yourself about and the honest answer.  (Feel free to insert your own non B.S version).  Remember its gonna feel uncomfortable, you’ll be tapping a little chink into your defenses….

 
The Deluded Bit
 
The Honest Answer

→
I’ll start tomorrow
→
Tomorrow never comes.  Trust me there is always going to be something that stops you, so you may as well take the bull by the horns and get going

→
You feel you are not paid what you are due so  justify to yourself spending it all
→
Everyone can save even a little bit.  (Even a fiver) The trick is to keep on upping it; slowly but surely

→
I love working.  I’ll just do a bit of consulting as I get older.
→
You can’t know what you future will be, there might not be the market for your talent, your health might let you down and you won’t be able to work

→
We work hard, we deserve these things, no matter the financial consequences.
→
In my experience it’s the bigger spends of the year that knock people off track.  Plan out your year and put money aside, make these part of your spending plan

→
They must know what they are doing and hey, it’s tempting to have the house of your dreams right?
→
Before taking on the biggest commitment of your life make sure you have looked at your numbers.  You know that the agent is always going to show you that property just outside your budget….

→
My life is over if I budget
→
If you create a spending plan and practice mindful spending you can learn to trust yourself to find the balance

→
I need money to make money
→
Check out plenty of inspiring people who have made something out of nothing.  It all starts from taking action…

What You Say
I’ll sort out my money as soon as XXXX happens I can’t save, I just don’t get paid enough I don’t need to save, I’m never going to retire I can’t save, we have xxx to pay for.  (holiday, car, school, kids, etc etc ) The bank has said I can have XXXX amount of mortgage so I should be able to manage it How am I meant to have fun if I have to do a budget?. I have to have a top dollar income in order to build wealth

I challenge you to look yourself in the mirror and have a friendly but honest and open talk about money.   And then you can avoid your own financial crisis.

Do let me know below your biggest money delusion!  Would love to hear what you have done about it in the comments below, or if your still feel stuck.  I reply personally to every comment.

Caroline

P.s May is going to be a bumper month for content, (especially if your looking to grow your income) so if your not subscribed yet then do pop your email in here to get the first preview.

P.p.s If you still feeling stuck then head on over to the Work With Me page.  (You might want to check out how others have been getting on here too)

Written by Caroline Domanska · Categorized: Blog · Tagged: honesty, mindful spending

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